Five Poppens & a PhD: The Poppens in a Pandemic: We Survived...and Maybe Thrived

The year 2020 started out like a bang - like an exploding cannonball that is. We spent 5 weeks of January and February with someone in our house sick with Influenza A, Influenza B, and a stomach virus. While the word "coronavirus" was a still a distant threat and a far off reality, we were already knocked flat with viruses in our home. It certainly was not the healthy and healing season I had hoped for in my New Year's post in January. Both influenzas hit me like a freight train. By the time March rolled around, I was still recovering - weak and exhausted.

We tried to make the most of our Spring Break - after begin stuck in a sick house for over a month - with fun adventures and lots of playdates with friends, and also crammed in a lot of school work and projects that had been pushed to the side in our attempt to stay above water. And then, on the last day of Spring Break as I had all three kids hanging on a cart in the grocery store, I got a shocking text.

School closed for two weeks. (Which turned in to three months)

I nearly broke down sobbing right there in the grocery store. I was hanging on by a thread to the fact that Spring Break was nearly over and I might be able to get some rest when the big kids went back to school. But that was not to be. I also severely regretted staying up late hours and working throughout the break with Zoë on her giant Science Fair project (that she never got to present). I walked over teary-eyed to the Starbuck's counter and said, "I think I need a coffee. Lots of coffee."

The Science Fair project -

we finished the day before quarantine began :s

By the grace of God and His goodness toward me, my mom had already planned to fly down and visit the following week for her Spring Break. She took a giant leap of faith and still came - right as everything was shutting down. And then she stayed. For nearly two months!! Her presence here helped me through a physical, mental and emotional breakdown. I had pushed my body past extreme exhaustion trying to fill too many needs without meeting my own and bearing too much responsibility while others benefitted off my work. It resulted in oppressive anxiety, bitterness, resentment and anger, and a list of inexplainable physical issues. I was already at a breaking point and the pandemic just threw me over the edge. My mom validated my struggle, supported me with constant encouragement, and loved on me fiercely and tenderly.

But as painful and ugly and terrifying it was to break - it was necessary, beautiful and freeing.

God's gracious healing is working its way through both my body and soul.
A life-giving gift that came in the form of death and destruction through the shattering of myself, exposing the decay and poison, despair and fear, hurt and brokenness, revealing my utmost weakness and utter dependence on Him - but leading to rebuilding, restoration, renewal and revival.

The time of healing and health had come.

Zac had his own challenges dealing with a variety of physical issues and debilitating anxiety. I am so proud of him for persevering, seeking help and taking steps toward better mental and physical health. By God's grace, he was able to keep working IT for Brite and was given special access to his office building so that he could continue to study and read on campus. Good thing, because trying to write his dissertation in this zoo-house would have been traumatic. :p Since the library was shut down completely, Zac was unable to be as productive as he could have been with the extra time as he needed certain books for his research - which was frustrating - but he will be able to start checking books out in June and continue writing chapter one!

Being thrown into a crash course in homeschooling without any warning was unbelievably difficult and stressful. There was an immense amount of resistance and whining from my children (really, for the whole three months) and the struggle was REAL. Much of the struggle came because my children are incredibly creative, independent and like to do things their own way...just like me! I had the unique perspective of experiencing online schooling from a parent's perspective as well as a teacher's perspective. I continued teaching piano lessons via Zoom and my mom continued to teach elementary music remotely while she stayed with us. Both sides were intensely challenging (and teachers - you are amazing and have my highest regard!) We also had an interesting home learning situation since one teacher gave very specific assignments and the other gave a broad and general idea of what should be learned - so I was both following a given lesson plan and creating my own while trying to have some common material for the two of them.

In the midst of the struggle, however, something amazing happened. As my body, mind and heart healed and rested, I was more present and connected. We had time to *BE* together in a way that did not exist in our much to frantic pre-pandemic life. More hugs. More kisses. More laughter. More snuggles. More heart to heart conversations. Quarantine produced the perfect environment to expose all kinds of heart issues in both me and my children - and we had the time to work them out - to ask for forgiveness and give lots of grace. We dealt with (and continue to deal with) an immense amount of anxiety and stress, and recognize more clearly the root of many of our reactions. We were given a restart button as a family - unhurried by outside activities and pressures of too many responsibilities - to relearn how to live and love together in a home (more) filled with grace and peace.

We survived quarantine during a pandemic...and I do believe we thrived. While the country has begun getting "back to normal," our self quarantine is still going as we plan to hang at home a month or so longer for precautions. Every day has its challenges and some days have a lot more crying/screaming/fighting than grace and peace...and by 8:00 pm every day I am SO ready to have a *moment* of alone time in the stillness of the night. Yet, I have seen more twinkling eyes of delight, abounding creativity, joyful imaginative play between siblings. I have witnessed a growth in communicating emotions, increased self control and responsibility in the home, a greater willingness to serve and help one another, and the joy of just being together. Oh, this is what I have always wanted to have as a family! - and somehow "life" got in the way and made it seem like an impossible dream. But now that we have it again, I will hold tightly to the treasure of unhurried time together and not let it go.

One of our projects during the quarantine was to complete "My 2020 COVID-19 Time Capsule" journal. It is a precious collection of their drawings, stats, facts, feelings, and memories from this unprecedented time in our history. At the very end of the journal is a place for parents to write a letter to their child. Here are my letters to each of them, along with snapshots of our homeschooling adventures together:

Zoë:

My dear sweet, tender hearted Zoë. I am so sorry. I am sorry for all the loss, the fear, and the loneliness. I am sorry that you had a sudden rift in your secure "norm." I'm sorry that you never got to say goodbye to your teacher when she resigned abruptly, and that you were thrown into an online classroom with unfamiliar faces. I'm sorry that you never got to present your Science Fair project or compete in the Battle of the Books or dance in the recital - all things you had put so much time and energy toward. I'm sorry that you can't be with your friends. I know you miss them dearly, even though you don't complain.

I'm sorry that this summer will not be filled with the same kinds of adventures that we usually have. I'm sorry that you are old enough to understand the weight of the threat and destruction caused by this horrible virus, and I am sorry that I let my stress and anxiety show through. You do not need to carry this burden and you do not need to be afraid. We are doing everything in our power to keep you safe, but above all, we trust in the One who holds the whole world in His hands.

Quarantine sewing project -

a new shirt for Isabella (the AG doll)

You are so brave. You see the challenges and fears and you keep going everyday. I am so PROUD of you, Zoë! I am proud of the way you dug down deep and verbalized the lies that kept you afraid to try hard things. I am proud of the way you learned how to communicate your struggles and ask for help instead of melting in tears or stomping in frustration or hiding in despair. I am proud of the way you stepped in to big responsibilities around the home and made it possible for my load to be lighter. You are incredibly talented, creative, intelligent, thoughtful, helpful and compassionate. I loved watching you play with your younger siblings - you are such a wonderful big sister! Better than I had ever imagined you would be! I enjoyed seeing all your creations - your piles of drawings and "free" art sales, your impressive blanket forts that filled the living room, your very own newspaper that brought great delight to your family and relatives, your intricate chalk designs, your numerous stories, complete with illustrations.

My very favorite memory of the quarantine was reading "Anne of Green Gables" with you every night and watching the movie together. We laughed and smiled and cried together through it all. It brought back such sweet memories of me cherishing this book as a young girl, but it is even richer and more delightful now as have experienced more of life's joys and heartaches - and as I watch you, my own "Anne-girl" growing up with overflowing creativity and imagination, an iron will, deep loyalty and great ambitions. I love you so much, Zoë. You are precious to me. As a favorite quote from Mulan says, “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” You are blooming during this challenging season - in strength and beauty, inside and out. Bloom on, dear one.

Isaiah:

My dear charming little boy, - it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. For you, the pandemic was a catalyst that let you do more of what you love: play. Oh, you love to play. All day every day. It was a struggle to get you to sit for even a minute - no matter how "fun" I made the activity, you were off finding legos or hiding in the bathroom with your favorite book or disappearing outside for a quick turn on your scooter. Punctuating your work time with lots of breaks for donkey kicks and races around the house helped a little, but your little body never stops moving!!

The day you lost your first tooth!!

I am glad for this time that gave you the gift of play, but I know it did not come without a cost and a loss. I am so sorry that you missed out on the last part of your kindergarten year. Kindergarten is the BEST year and you had the best teacher! I'm sorry you missed out on your zoo field trip and Muffins with Moms and your Kindergarten acknowledgment ceremony, and I am especially sorry that you missed out on time with your friends. I'm sorry that you missed out on your first dance recital with hip hop, that we haven't been to a playground in three months and that our summer will be mostly homebound.

Sight word chalk hop

But I am so grateful for this time I had with you! I loved being a part of your learning and exploring outer space and mummies and dinosaurs and birds and insects with you - just like we did before you went off to school. I am amazed by how much you have learned! I am constantly in awe of your reading and love having you read me to bed. You have such an intelligent mind and you are quick to pick up on new skills. You hear and retain information even when it looks like you can't possibly be listening! I hope you will always love to learn.

I cherish the memories watching you sweetly play with Isabelle and become an expert on her "baby talk", and creating adventures and forts with Zoë. I will never forget the lightsaber fights and lego creations we worked on together, all the bikes rides and scooter trips and snuggling up with a book (or 5) every night. You love to make us laugh, and we need to laugh! Your playfulness is rubbing off on me and making me more playful.

Growing up and graduating Kindergarten!

Thank you Mrs. Daniels!!

I am so proud of you and how you daily strive to make the tough decision to get work done before play. I am proud of you for making the choice to have a cheerful learning attitude even when you really would rather do other things. I am proud of you for learning to communicate your frustrations when you need help rather than avoiding the task. I'm proud of you for responding to the quarantine with relative ease and little complaint - you just loved being home with us! Thank you for bringing so much laughter and silliness into our home at a time when we needed it the most. Congratulations on finishing Kindergarten with flying colors! You are precious, my little charmer, and I love you very much!

Isabelle:

My sweet, spunky little girl - you are a delight! You are full of vibrant personality, comical antics and dramatic expression. The most difficult part of the quarantine for you was the first few weeks. You saw Lola as a threat trying to take you away from me while I attempted to teach your big brother and sister - and you fought it screaming and kicking with all your might! It wasn't until we changed tactics and allowed you to join in on school that you would happily come and draw/write at the table (in pencil, just like Zoë and Isaiah). And then you realized Lola wasn't so bad after all and spent every morning swinging and biking and going on walks while your big siblings enviously looked on through the window. Lucky you!

You learned quite a few things during the past three months - counting to 30, identifying all your letters and numbers and colors, jabbering on with new words every day, drawing specific shapes and telling us what you are drawing. You also had some big changes - you moved out of the bathroom into the big kid room (hallelujah!!), got rid of the pacifier, finally had a few nights where you slept through the night, and had some exciting times on the potty. I have enjoyed more time playing with you during this past month than I had even pre-pandemic while your siblings were in school. What a wonderful gift! I loved having you cozy up in my lap with a pile of books, taking turns reading (because you want to read too!). I love your empathetic heart - always emotionally connecting with your siblings when they are hurt or sad. I enjoy watching you play creatively on your own! You surprised me with how contentedly you would play quietly by yourself during our last few weeks of school. You played with Paw Patrol every day, and entertained yourself with those dinosaurs for HOURS.

I think the pandemic has affected you the least, and you have benefited the most. You have all of us home all the time and you LOVE IT. You have Zoë and Isaiah here to play with you when I am busy, and you are just so much happier than you were even just a few months ago. Sure, you still can throw a fit like no other and we have to be careful when you are cranky to avoid flying objects and biting teeth. While you adore your siblings you also don't always want to share with them and really don't want their help, and sometimes you do just really need to be alone. But for the most part, you have filled our home with your sweet singing, princess twirls, cheesy grins, hilarious expressions, and adorable nature.