Motherhood: Romanticized and Realized

About midway through my pregnancy with my first child, Zoë, and I was in first pregnancy bliss. I was so excited to become a mother. I dreamt of holding that sweet little baby and caressing those soft cheeks, hearing precious giggles and soaking in heart-warming snuggles, playing together, discovering the world together and going on all kinds of adventures.

At one point, my mom made a comment something to the extent of: "You have a very romanticized view of motherhood. I think the reality may come to you as a shock." I was offended at first. Her words seemed harsh. Why couldn't she just be excited with me?! (But oh, how she knew me!)

Then, on May 7th, 2011 - the evening before Mother's Day, I became a mother. And reality hit like a freight train full of bricks. The first year of motherhood did hold those moments of joy, sweetness and delight in my beautiful little girl, but it was shrouded in a dark cloud of depression, loneliness, insomnia and rage. There were moments when I hated being a mother and felt like a terrible failure-of-a-mother. 

But little by little, God graciously broke into my darkness and lifted me out of this pit. He brought me out a new woman - a renewed mother. A mother who was learning to joyfully sacrifice basic needs and rights for the demands of another. A mother who came face to face with my utter weakness and was forced onto my knees in dependence on God's strength and grace. A mother who learned to let go of an identity built on achievement and performance and grew in contentment in my new calling as a caregiver. A mother who began to give grace and receive grace.

And then, on May 7th, 2014 (again, near Mother's Day), my motherhood extended to another precious child. Sweet Isaiah. Both children brought and continue to bring many moments of joy, sweetness and delight - much laughter and amazement, discovery and adventure. These moments are made even more beautiful in stark contrast to moments of my seasons of extreme fatigue, and their hard-nosed stubbornness, constant neediness, sibling rivalry, and defiant disobedience. Through it all, God continues to transform me and grow me up in my mothering, making me into a mother who finds blessing in pouring into the continuous needs. A mother who recognizes my own neediness and dependence on God. A mother who is learning to let go of control. A mother who is discovering the ability to say yes to play and presence, and put on hold outside demands. A mother who is learning how to point to the grace of Jesus in the middle of discipline, and shepherd them through gentleness, kindness and humble example. A mother who is encouraged to sympathize with their weaknesses in compassion, just as Jesus has done for me. 

I realized several years ago that my children are God's chosen tools to work His holiness into my life. Sometimes that work is unbelievably painful and difficult, and other times that work is abundantly joyful. But all of it is blessing. Motherhood has been the most trying and terrifying adventure of my life - but I would not trade even a moment. Through motherhood, God has transformed me into an entirely different person than I was 6 years ago. Through motherhood, God has increased my capacity for love, kindness, patience, compassion, sacrifice, humility and joy. 

On this Mother's Day, May 14th, 2017, I celebrate the gift of motherhood and I thank God for the two children that God gave me as gifts so close to Mother's Day. And, for the first time, I celebrate Mother's Day with a precious little one in my womb. I am overflowing with gratitude. Already, this little one has given me so much joy with countless kicks and flips, and a strong heartbeat that brought the biggest smile to my face. And while I embrace this joy and bliss, I already expect the hard work of transformation that will come and has already begun. I know that God will take me further on the journey of motherhood and into unknown territory and difficult terrain. I know I will have to lean even more heavily in dependence on His strength, patience, love, grace and provision for my own neediness through the Holy Spirit's power.  I know that I will be blessed as God continues to make me more like Jesus as He increases my capacity for deeper love, more tender kindness, endless patience, merciful compassion, joyful sacrifice, sincere humility and abundant joy. 

Look who is going to be a BIG brother!!

The kids are so excited for their little sibling, who will joining us (by the grace of God) around November 27th! Soon, the Four Poppens will become FIVE  - but as we already consider this sweet baby as an active and beloved member of our family, the blog name has changed to note our new addition! Now we wait to find out who will be outnumbered. Zoë is hoping for a little sister... :)

3rd & 6th Lego Birthday Party

We had a Lego themed birthday this year for our two Lego lovers! Zoë and Isaiah had a blast visiting Legoland Discovery Center for the first time (thanks Didi!) as a part of their birthday celebration. It built up the excitement for their Lego party. :)

Zoë had a special Celebration of Life at school to honor her birthday and show how she has grown and changed from birth until now. (That is a whole lot of change! My, how she has grown.)

Happy Birthday breakfast with homemade pop-tarts!

Isaiah, always the clown.

Cousins, great aunts and uncle and Didi joined us for a fun family party on their birthday. It was a full house and all the cousins had a great time playing and celebrating together!

Lego brick brownies and "build your own" sundaes

Birthday buddies for life

I attempted my first homemade piñata and it turned out to be the hit of the party! Here are all the cousins taking turns. Thanks to our resident baseball expert, we were able to break it open. :) 

Zoë and Isaiah got to finish it off:

Lots of lego playtime

We love these two more than a billion lego pieces (many of which are now taking over our home)! Zoë and Isaiah, you are both a delight and bring so much joy, laughter, creativity, compassion, and beauty into our home! We thank God for the gifts of your births and the gifts of your lives. I pray that God, the Master Builder, would continue to build you up in love, joy, kindness, compassion and faith, and continue to develop your many gifts throughout this year of your lives. Happy 3rd and 6th Birthday, dear ones! 

Celebration of Life: Happy Birthday Zoë & Isaiah!

{Zoë's Montessori school has a tradition of celebrating each child's life on their birthday, reflecting over major events and interests through every year of life, noting the growth and change from birth until now. It was precious to write and then read for Zoë's class the following reflection (modified a bit here) on her 6 years of life. What a beautiful opportunity to go through pictures and reminisce over all those memories. How the time has flown! I was inspired to do the same for Isaiah. :)}

The Story of Zoë Anastasia:

Zoë was born on May 7th, 2011 in Holland, Michigan. She weighed 9 pounds 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. She was an adorable little baby with long fingers, big feet, and beautiful big brown eyes. She slept (sometimes), was hungry all the time, and always wanted to be held by Mommy. Though she couldn’t talk or walk, she wiggled constantly, made all sorts of cute noises and knew exactly how to get Mommy and Daddy’s attention with her very loud cry. Zoë started eating solid foods at 6 months, sat up all by herself at 7 months and was crawling by 9 months. One of her favorite things was her pacifier.

When Zoë was 1 year old, we moved from Michigan to Portland, Oregon. She loved going on trips to the ocean and playing in the sand. She could communicate with sign language and spoke her first word: “Hi!” She started to walk and then was off running! Some of her favorite things were her Teddy and blankie, toy keys and the book “Goodnight moon.”

At 2 years old, Zoë learned to ride her pink balance bike and met her best friends, Clara and Celicia. Her special teddy bear Cocoa remained always by her side. Zoë loved to sing and dance! She saw the movie "Frozen" in theaters, fell in love with Elsa and has been singing “Let It Go” ever since.



When Zoë was 3 years old, she got the best birthday present – her little brother Isaiah, born on her birthday. Then we moved to Fort Worth, Texas, and Zoë made lots of new friends and loved going to preschool. She started to learn her letters and numbers, and loved to play piano, ukulele and drums. Zoë was quick to help Mommy cook in the kitchen, and really enjoyed dance class and tumbling.



At 4 years of age, Zoë started Pre-K and loved every minute of it. She kept busy with soccer and dance and tumbling and started piano lessons! Zoë enjoyed using her creative imagination to play dress-up or create an office or library or restaurant and act it out. She also discovered how much she liked to climb trees. Zoë learned to cook a few things on her own in the kitchen and was a very helpful big sister.

When she turned 5, Zoë conquered her fear of the water and learned how to swim. She loved to make up her own dance moves and compose music at the piano. She also enjoyed painting beautiful pictures. When it was time to start Kindergarten, Zoë was excited and ready to make new friends! She soon found how much she enjoyed writing and started to keep journals and leave notes of her writings all over the house. And then she learned how to read and began to read whole books to her little brother. She enjoyed ballet and tap and learned how to do cartwheels and backbends in tumbling. Her favorite colors were pink and purple, and her favorite foods were mac’n’cheese, nachos, mangos and chocolate. Some of her favorite things were Shopkins, dress-up, Legos, Minecraft…and still loved Elsa and still sang “Let It Go.”

And now Zoë is 6.

She is a beautiful, vibrant young lady with a tender heart of gold. She loves Jesus and sings precious original songs to God. Zoë is already a strong leader, but is learning to let others lead and allow others to go first. She loves her friends and family dearly. She has an active and animated imagination and is overflowing with creativity. Zoë brings great joy and beauty into our home, and we thank God for the precious gift of her life!

Happy 6th Birthday, Zoë Anastasia! We love you!


The Story of Isaiah Benjamin:




Isaiah was born very late at night on May 7th, 2014, in Portland, Oregon - just barely making his appearance on his big sister's birthday. He was 8 pounds 12 ounces and 21 inches long. His eyes were blue and beautiful, and had bright blond hair from the very beginning. Isaiah was a snuggle bunny who loved to be held by Mommy as much as possible. He had a strong neck and enjoyed looking around. At 3 months old, he found himself in a new home in Fort Worth, Texas. Around 4 months, Isaiah discovered his thumb and it soon became his best friend. "Mr. Smiley" was one of his nicknames and he was full of sweet smiles and giggles. At 7 months he learned to crawl, and by 10 months he discovered how to stand and perfected his speed crawling and climbing - which got himself in all sorts of trouble.



When Isaiah was 1 year old, he spoke his first word, "fish," and learned to walk. Monkey became his very best friend and was always in hand, and that thumb often found its way to his mouth. Isaiah enjoyed reading "Little Blue Truck" and "Goodnight Gorilla." He got to see the ocean for the first time on our trip to Oregon and was drawn like a magnet to its waves. Lola gave us a snare drum and Isaiah took to drumming right away! If there was something besides Monkey in his hands, it was a truck, or train, or some kind of car. He began to reveal his comedic side with his cheeser grin and silly antics. He loved his big sister and had so much fun playing with her - even when he was supposed to be sleeping in his big boy bed at night.



At 2 years old, Isaiah could ramble on word after word and spoke in full sentences, including big words like "excavator" and "actually." He was still very much a snuggle bunny, Monkey was still his best friend, his thumb was still stuck in his mouth, and he still loved to be held by Mommy or sit in her lap. He found great joy in playing with cars, trucks and trains, dinosaurs, dancing and running and singing, roaring, throwing balls (and other things), playing the ukulele, riding his balance bike and swimming. He fully embraced his goofy side and loved to make people laugh. He loved to help Mommy and his favorite thing to do in the kitchen was to crack the eggs. He fell in love with Elsa and the movie "Frozen" almost as much as his sister. He also became a little obsessed with Paw Patrol and Batman, and loves to run around pretending to be a superhero. He loved the colors blue and green and ate a lot of cashews, pretzels and gummies.

And now Isaiah is 3.

He is sweet snuggler and silly goofball, with a soft, tender heart. Those bright blue eyes are as charming as ever, and his sun-bleached hair gets compliments wherever we go. He seems to be following his sister's lead with his great imagination. He may always be a Mommy's boy, and that is ok with me. Isaiah brings abundant laughter and delight to our home, and we thank God for the precious gift of his life!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Isaiah Benjamin! We love you!

We celebrated these two birthday buddies with a fun Lego-themed party today along with cousins, aunts and uncles and Grandma Didi. More on that later. :)