The PhD process has been a continual cycle of facing fears, sitting in surrender, and recognizing God's great faithfulness. We faced another cycle this past month as Zac came to the end of his allotted 7 years and was required to apply for an extension. The possibility of his extension request being rejected felt very real and scary. Terrifying, actually. To imagine all this time and energy and sacrifice and suffering, not to mention all the financial support from relatives, thrown to the wind and wasted, leaving our family with...nothing. The stuff of nightmares. To question if this was all a mistake and fight feelings of regret and wonder if somehow we misunderstood God's leading...even more harrowing.
And yet as we faced these fears together, recognizing that our future was all completely out of Zac's hands, out of our hands, and only in the hands of God. We clung to His faithfulness, remembering with clarity how God called Zac and our family to this place, for this purpose. We remembered God's provision for all our physical and financial needs through the generosity of our relatives year after year. We held tight to the memory of God carrying Zac through qualifying exams and sustaining both of us through seasons of intense anxiety and depression. And we surrendered out future - not knowing what it would be, what it would hold.
Then we waited.
During those three long weeks of waiting, I felt the sweetness of surrender. When I am able to let go of the weight of the illusion of control and hand the burden of anxious fears over to the feet of Jesus, God replaces them with freedom and peace. It is a beautiful thing...(why is it so hard to get me to that place?). As I prayed "not my will but Yours," I found myself able to trust in God's guidance and sovereignty - even if the committee's decision were to be a "no" and our lives would take a sudden and drastic turn. I spent the day of the official meeting fasting and praying and was encouraged by the Holy Spirit's presence. As my prayer time took me into places where my heart had been bitter or resentful for the hardships this PhD experience has brought on our family, on our marriage and on both Zac and I individually, I found release. I saw beauty that has come from ashes, character built through trials, faith strengthened through our suffering. I was filled with renewed hope and purpose to encourage, support, pray over and cheer Zac on in his pursuit not merely of finishing his dissertation and gaining a title, but in following the path God has set before him (and us).
When the news came that Zac was approved for the extension last week, we jumped up and down for joy! We danced and cheered and celebrated God's faithfulness. We look forward with hope to this coming year as Zac continues writing Chapter 2 (then 3 and 4) and as a family are re-invigorated with our roles to pray for, encourage, and support Zac to finish strong. He may not be finished by this time next year, but he will hopefully be close. And wouldn't it be amazing if Zac was graduating a year from now!
Will you join us in hopeful perseverance? Will you continue to pray for Zac and for our family - for encouragement and strength, for wisdom and productivity? Will you celebrate God's faithfulness with us?!
2021 has been quite a whirlwind. Here are a few snapshots and monthly summaries:
New Year's Day Gingerbread House Smash
January teased us. First it gave us a sunflower, then a tiny little snowstorm, then some lovely spring weather. We honestly were bummed about the wet snow but made the most of it with a tiny little snowman.
First time playing Settlers of Catan with the big kids -
and Isaiah won!
February came in with sweet sunshine and then threw a curveball that no one expected. We spent the first two weeks loving on our friends and celebrating all our Valentines. Then on Valentine's Day, we got the snow of our dreams - but it came with catastrophic results. The freezing cold temperatures left millions of Texans without power for days and without water for weeks, causing frozen pipes that exploded and destroyed homes and buildings, and took weeks for the state to recover. We were so grateful and fortunate to have kept both power and water the whole time and were able to help our neighbors.
Chocolate covered strawberries with our neighbors
We found fossils!
My sweethearts
Fondue with friends!
Snowmageddon 2021
Improvised sledding
Merry Christmas! Oops - I mean, Happy Valentine's Day!
We enjoyed those snowpeople as long as they lasted...
But we were sure happy for the sunshine to return!
What Isabelle does during school time -ha!
March hit hard. We had been in pandemic survival mode for a full year - and while the early months of 2021 had us hopeful, March felt like things just got more difficult in different ways. Three of the four families who made up our "pandemic pod" whom we had persevered alongside through the previous year and helped maintain a sense of "normal" and carefree fun had either returned or were soon returning to in person schooling, which changed the dynamics and frequency of our time together. There were a lot of tears and feelings of despair, hopelessness, grief that we all worked through together. There were fears that this would go on forever. But we made the most of it! We had a family party to celebrate the good things that have happened this year and lift our hearts. We spent long days with friends during spring break and have had a few masked playdates since. And we spent a lot of time outside soaking up the sunshine in some of our favorite Fort Worth places.
Happy One Year Pandemic Survival Anniversary Celebration!
First vaccine in March and second in April
Besties
Hello Spring-summer!
Lucky Charms
Zoë is a blossoming artist!
April started out with a rich time centering our hearts, focusing on the life, death and resurrection of Jesus and celebrating our Savior! I LOVED homeschooling through Holy Week. And then we got sick for the first time in over a year. I was knocked out for a day after my second vaccine shot, and then Isabelle came down with an intense respiratory/stomach virus that had us all worried for a week. The big kids had much more minor symptoms, but even so it was a week that left us all exhausted and more cautious, realizing that even our "careful" playdates were not "safe", and wondering how we would proceed forward. Do we lock ourselves up for another year or two?! (Ha!) Do we keep trying to be careful but still interact with our friends who are more publicly active? Honestly, we are still struggling here. I am still physically recovering from the exhaustion initiated by those sick weeks (all of which may have triggered a resurfacing of epstein-barr/mono in my body) and with a big month of May coming up, we have been keeping it slow, quiet and as restful as possible so that I can have enough energy for BIRTHDAY PARTIES! (Let's just pretend that I don't have an almost 10-year-old girl....or a little boy who is very much growing into a big boy. I'll just keep them little forever. ;)
Passover Seder
Palm Sunday
Our seedlings!
Isabelle's "stick people"
Easter treats from the Aunties
Easter egg hunt
Happy Easter!
Botanic Gardens visit the day before Isabelle got sick... :(
Lots of tea parties
So glad this girl is feeling better and that we made it through this month.
Through it all, finding sweet surrender and great dependence on God and His great faithfulness!
