The Wait

There are some years that I would rather not have to live through again. This was one of those years.

Between me working 20-30 hours a week, Zac going to school full time and working 10 or so hours a week, and somehow still managing to raise our almost 3-year-old daughter and keep a somewhat functioning household, it was a little stressful. And exhausting.

Then add in the countless hours Zac spent studying for the GRE twice and applying to numerous PhD programs. Oh, and then there was the whole me-being-pregnant with baby #2. And did I mention the 2-year-old tornado of energy that rules our home? ;)

We were maxed out physically and emotionally, and just kept holding on to the light at the end of the tunnel - that this was only a season and would soon be over. The 2nd GRE was completed, the fall semester ended, the applications were turned in one by one. Whew!

And then it came.

The Wait.

We thought the craziness of the fall was bad, but spending day after day in this purgatory of unknowns and unanswerable questions was almost excruciating. Day after dreadfully slow-moving day, we would hold our breath in anticipation as we unlocked the mailbox only to be sorely disappointed. For.three.months. Stuck. Unable to move in any direction, unable to plan the next step. As we waited, the questions swirled around in our heads and crept into our conversations. Would Zac get accepted? Where? Would they give enough financial aid? What if he didn't get accepted anywhere? What would we do then??

That, my friends, was the scariest question of all. We felt so strongly that God had clearly pointed Zac in this direction...but what if? What if we had misheard or misread the Spirit's leading? What if God wanted us to go in a completely different direction (after all this time and investment and student debt)?

Or, even worse, what if we had to go through the WHOLE application process 
all
over
again. 

That thought was almost more than I could bear. The anxiety in our home was like a thick, suffocating cloud.

And I realized about two months into The Wait that this lesson on patience was really all about trust.

Do I really trust God with my life and my family's life?

I realized that it wasn't so much about whether I believed that God was in control, but that I wasn't in control. And I could do absolutely nothing about it. I was worried that the direction He had in mind wasn't what I was hoping for.

God reminded me of His incredible faithfulness to me and to us as a family. He reminded me of how time and time again, His redirection led to a beautiful, fruitful season in our lives. He reminded me that yes, indeed, He had our best interests in mind - not to bring us the most happiness or to make our lives easier, but to draw us closer to Himself.

The Wait is over and for that I am incredibly thankful. But I am also thankful for what I learned in this season of growth, how Zac and I have been knit even tighter in intimacy, and how I've come to lean more heavily on God and trust fully in His goodness.

I look to the road ahead knowing that it will not be easy. There are still many unanswered questions and we will be forced to lean on God's faithfulness and providence more than ever before. Yet my eyes are filled with excitement, my heart with hope and my soul with peace.

And so begins our adventure - Four Poppens & a PhD.
This blog will be a place for us to share our joys and struggles, family fun, and Phd experiences and discoveries over the next 5 to 7 years as we watch God's faithfulness continue to unfold.

Stay tuned for a special announcement from the future professor himself!