This 11th year of marriage may have been our toughest yet. We found ourselves both struggling to carry unbearable burdens on our own. Zac was dealing with overwhelming stress and anxiety mostly caused by the looming qualifying exams, and I was overwhelmed by single handedly trying to do too many things on too little sleep while very pregnant and very exhausted. Stress and anxiety and exhaustion gradually turned us away from working as teammates and into opposing defenders on a battlefield. It was ugly on both sides of the line, and we were both so stuck in our own trenches that we couldn't help ourselves or the other.
But God in mercy and grace and compassion brought a light into our darkness through a little baby girl (whose middle name means "light"), pulled us out of our pits, reminded us that our battle is not against one another, and led us into an oasis of recovery, renewal and rest. Since then, God has continued to bring us out of a winter season in our marriage into spring - a season filled with renewed love and tenderness.
Sometimes I try to forget the negative and remember only the good times (which is difficult since I seem to focus on everything that goes poorly) - but this year, I want to remember the bad and the good. I don't want to forget this story of God's faithful redemptive work in our lives.
Remembering those weeks and months of tension makes this season of relief and release feel all the more gratifying.
Remembering the days of harsh words and uncivility makes the tender words and peacemaking work all the more meaningful.
Remembering the bitterness in my soul helps me to be quick to forgive, but also quick to communicate, and leaves me grateful for the weightlessness of my heart now.
Remembering the tears of loneliness makes me cherish the moments we have together.
Remembering the valleys makes the mountaintop all the more glorious.
Zac, year eleven has been a journey. Not a journey I necessarily want to do ever again, but a journey that has left you and me changed for the better. We've grown stronger, wiser, more patient, more compassionate, more selfless, more forgiving. More like Jesus. We've also grown weaker and quicker to admit our dependency on one another and on God. I thank God for bringing you into my life over 11 years ago - as opposite as we are, as broken as we are, as imperfect as we are. I am grateful that I walked through this year with you - through valleys and mountaintops and everything in between - and I am grateful that we get to continue on this journey of life together.
Side by side. Hand in hand.
I love you more than words can say.
love always,
Rissa
No comments:
Post a Comment