Five Poppens & a PhD: Dark Valley of Prayer

"You are my greatest prayer warrior," she told me.
Inwardly, I laughed. Ha! More like a prayer wimp!

I pray hard. I pray with faith. I pray with passion. I pray God's truth and I pray God's promises. But when the answers don't seem to come, and when the wait grows longer, I struggle. Like the woman in Jesus' parable in Luke, I start pounding on the door and knock until my knuckles bleed - but then after a while, I start to lose heart. I get discouraged.

These are my dark valleys of prayer - long days and months and years of praying and praying and praying with only silence in response. No change. No healing.

I struggle, because of verses like this:

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

(Matthew 21:22)

And this:

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son."

(John 14:13)

And this:

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up."

(James 5:15)

And this:

"And this is the boldness we have in him, that if we ask according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have obtained the requests made of him."
(1st John 5:14)

And this:

"And will not God grant justice to his chosen ones who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long in helping them? I tell you, he will quickly grant justice to them."

(Luke 18:7-8)

It seems easy, right? Simple! Call on the LORD and He will answer. Pray in boldness and faith and the prayer will be granted. Ask whatever in the name of Jesus and in the will of God and it will come to be!

Isn't mustard-seed-sized-faith easily within our grasp? And isn't faith a gift given by God? What does it mean to pray according to God's will? That we ask for what He is already planning to do? If so, why do we need to pray at all? And, why do we have examples of faithful people like Abraham and Moses praying to God in such a way that God changes His mind? Doesn't that mean that they prayed outside of His will? Besides, aren't justice and healing and restoration all within God's will for all of Creation? And why is it inconsistent? Why does God choose to answer some prayers instantaneously and others after years of waiting, and others, with "No."?

I don't have any answers here. Only questions.

The last time I was traveling through a dark valley of prayer, I got stuck in a muddy pit. I remained there for awhile, drowning in anger and bitterness against God because of what I deemed as His silence and inaction. I questioned His character, I challenged His goodness. I railed against His proclamation of mercy.

And God quietly, gently in undeserved love pulled me out of that pit inch by inch. In Job-like fashion, instead of answering my shouts of "WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!, " He simply responded with more questions:

"Why do you pray to me? Is it only to get something from me? Am I only worthy of worship and devotion as long as I cater to your wishes and answer your requests? Do you love me for my blessings, or do you love me?"

His questions did not bring closure to my multitude of why's, but they did reveal a heart that had come to serve God for His goods - instead of for God Himself. And when He didn't deliver, I got upset.

God is not a means to the end. God IS the end, and everything else is a means to get to God.

And so, I've learned to pray for healing, yes, and pray for justice, yes, and pray for reconciliation, yes and pray for salvation, yes - but most of all, I am learning to pray for presence. No matter the outcome, no matter the answer, God's presence is the one thing that will satisfy, the only thing that will sustain, and the only thing that will endure.

I am in another dark valley of prayer. After two months of praying daily for healing for this woman and watching the situation worsen day after day, I have struggled with hopelessness and weariness. I have come close to losing heart.

Nevertheless, it has been in those times of prayer that I have most keenly felt the overwhelming presence of Jesus, walking with me and walking with the one for whom I am in prayer, and witnessed the presence of the Holy Spirit comforting, uplifting, strengthening, and renewing. As I seek after God's presence, I am encouraged to "persevere in supplication" (Ephesians 6:18), desiring that my prayers my be long-suffering and enduring, just as has been for many have walked through these dark valleys for days and months and years before me.

And even though I walk through the dark valley

I will not fear

For you are with me
Psalm 23:4

_ _ _

On the lighter side, enjoy:

We love fall! But not allergies!

Happy Half-Birthday!

Didi's October visit

Good morning smoothies in style

Have you ever wished that someone could document your daily life with pictures to get a glimpse of what life is really like? Well, our little photographer has spent the month snapping shots of us in all our glamourless-ness. She actually captured some really beautiful moments - so I will share those with you all. (And spare you the twenty-some shots of my backside walking around in pajamas. Oy.)